


Momentary Lapses of Treason

by romanticalgirl



Series: Yearbooks [3]
Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-27 12:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>History sometimes repeats itself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Momentary Lapses of Treason

“You’re deluded.” Joey slapped Pacey on the arm and then bumped into him. He grabbed her and pulled her up against him, hugging her.

“Maybe so, but you have to admit that it would be kind of funny.” He released her, feeling the telltale heat curling in his stomach. Touching her was a habit he’d gotten into and, if he knew what was good for him, he would just as quickly get out of. “Besides, this is Capeside. Stranger things have happened.” 

“True, but what are the odds?” She didn’t like to think about the emptiness she felt when he let her go, didn’t want to think about how comfortable she’d become with his touch. “They were friends, Pacey. Just like you and I are friends…” She shook her head, trying to get the thought of what exactly their ‘friendship’ was. “There wasn’t ever anything between them.” 

“I know, but I was looking through Dougie’s old high school yearbooks and there was an interesting little inscription from a certain Bessie Potter.” 

“Well, of course there was. Exactly how big do you think their graduating class was, Pacey?” Joey shook her head, rolling her eyes all the while. “I think you’re reaching for romantic entanglements just to offset the fact that your love life is so completely bereft right now.” 

“I’ve got prospects.” 

“Yeah, another evening spent dancing with yourself.” She smiled sweetly. “And, having danced with you, I can only imagine what a horrible letdown that must be night after night.” 

Catching her around the waist, Pacey swung Joey around. “Oh yeah, Potter? I’ll have you know that I’m a mighty fine dancer.” 

“Right, Pacey.” She shrugged out of his grip and started walking backwards, her eyes dancing with mischief. “You can’t be that good, you obviously didn’t impress our instructor.” 

Pacey grabbed for her wrist, bringing her body flush against his. They stood there for a long minute, both shocked by the intimacy, not to mention the sudden heat that seemed to flare up between them. Pacey’s hand slipped casually around her waist, lying flat in the small of her back as he pulled her even closer. She blushed as she felt his arousal, something he’d always been very careful to hide from her. “I don’t know, Jo. I’ve been told I’m pretty…impressive.” 

She shivered slightly, goosebumps rising on her skin. She refused to meet his eyes, unwilling to let him see the emotions in hers. They’d agreed to walk away from each other, especially after dealing with the fallout from Dawson’s reaction to the simple fact that they’d kissed. 

A lot. 

Joey pulled away from Pacey, the heat of their remembered kisses too much to deal with while still in his arms. “Yeah, well, women lie.” 

“That they do.” He said the words lightly, too lightly for her to take offense, although she tried. 

“Accusing the woman who is single-handedly…”

“I thought I was the single-handed one here. Or is there something you need to tell me, Miss Potter?” He moved closer again, not giving her time to recover from his earlier assault. “Are you finding yourself in need of a little self-inflicted release? Because if you are, I’d be more than happy to volunteer my time to make it a little more...interactive.” 

She shoved him this time, striding ahead, refusing to look back. Why did he have to get under her skin so easily? “In your dreams, Witter.” 

He laughed to himself as she headed toward her house, determined to ignore him. “You have no idea,” he whispered softly before calling out to her. “Hey, Jo! I thought we were supposed to go to Dawson’s today?” 

“Together? Are you kidding, Pacey?” She turned around and shrugged her shoulders. “And have to suffer through another one of those hurt and betrayed looks that he’s perfected over the last two weeks?” 

He nodded. “I’ll see you later.” 

“Yeah. And I’ll disavow any knowledge of seeing you now.” 

~**~

He couldn’t help laughing to himself as he trudged up the stairs to his best friend’s bedroom. Mitch was gone for the weekend and, from the sounds coming from Dawson’s room; his best friend was indulging in the only risqué activity the good guy could indulge in. 

“Oh yes!” 

Pacey stood outside the door, shaking his head. Best to cut Dawson off in the middle of a good moment than have Joey or anyone else walk in on him in flagrante delicto. He raised his hand to knock, a small smile lifting the corner of his mouth as he heard another soft moan. Whatever Dawson was watching, it was very…vocal. 

He knocked and pushed the door open at the same time. “Hey, D. You really should…” He froze, hand still in the air, heart somewhere in his throat. He felt the muscle in his jaw jump as Dawson’s blonde head raised away from the woman beneath him, giving Pacey a very clear view of her face. “Andie.” 

Andie blushed scarlet and buried her head against Dawson’s chest. Dawson tugged the sheet over them a little more, unable to meet Pacey’s intent gaze. “Could…could you give us a couple minutes, Pacey?” 

He nodded, his hand clenching the doorknob tight enough to turn his knuckles white. “Sure. Although from the sounds of it, it shouldn’t quite take you that long to finish up.” He pulled the door closed quietly and started down the stairs. His head was pounding, matching the rhythm Dawson had been driving into Andie with, assaulting his memory with the vivid image of naked flesh. 

Flesh he’d touched and loved, not so long ago. 

He stopped on the front porch, leaning against the wall of the house. He stared unseeing at his hands, not wanting to think, not wanting to remember. His body felt frozen and feverish all at once. Dawson had laid into him when he’d found out about the far too few kisses he’d shared with Joey. He’d berated him and accused him of doing everything short of kidnapping her and having her brainwashed, since that was the only logical thing Dawson was able to think of which might cause Joey to have anything close to a feeling for Pacey. 

Dawson was sleeping with Andie. 

No, his mind corrected. Dawson was fucking Andie. In his bedroom in the middle of the day right about the time that he and Joey… “Oh Christ.” Pacey pushed off the wall and hurried around the house, hoping that he wouldn’t be too late. He saw her walking up the dock and rushed out to her. “Jo.” 

She looked him over, taken aback by his frantic approach. “What? What’s wrong, Pacey?” 

“It’s…I…Dawson’s busy.” 

“Yeah?” She shrugged. “So? He knows we’re coming over. What’s he so busy doing that we can’t interrupt? I mean, he did invite us, after all.” 

“I know, but I just don’t think…” 

Joey brushed past him and gave him an annoyed look. “Pacey, you know how Dawson is. He’s probably standing in the window now, watching us, wondering if you’re going to lose control again and kiss me.” 

“Me?” He grabbed her hand and turned her around. “Me? This isn’t all me, Potter. You wanted those kisses just as badly as I did. You kissed me back. You…” He growled in frustration and released her hand, throwing his own up in the air. “Fine, climb the fucking ladder. See exactly what your precious Dawson is *busy* doing.” 

Joey grabbed his hand and forced him to look at her. “What’s the matter, Pacey?” 

“Nothing.” He let her go and stalked back toward the house, not caring if she followed him. If Dawson wanted her to see him doing it with Andie, he wasn’t going to be the one to stop her. 

Joey followed him at a more sedate pace, curiosity heated by his strange behavior. She stopped at the ladder and looked up, wondering what he was so afraid of her seeing. “You coming up?” 

“I’ll go in the normal way, thanks very much.” He kept walking and Joey watched him for a few moments before starting up the ladder. She climbed it slowly, a strange sense of dread stemming, no doubt, from Pacey’s odd behavior. 

She poked her head in the window. “Hey Dawson. Hey Andie.” She climbed inside and sat on the windowsill. “What’s up?” 

“Nothing. Not a thing. Why would you think something was up?” Andie’s hands fluttered nervously in her lap. “We’re just doing…homework. We’re studying. For finals.” 

“Oh.” Joey nodded, giving Andie a worried look. “Okay. Are we still on for the movie thing, Dawson?” 

“Where’s Pacey?” 

“Why would I know?” Her tone was immediately defensive. After Dawson had found out about the few kisses she and Pacey had shared, he’d gone ballistic, railing against them both for whatever imagined slight it was they’d committed against him personally. She and Pacey had agreed that friendship was far more important than whatever overcharged hormonal imbalance they were suffering from and had sworn to Dawson and each other that it was over. 

Even if it didn’t feel that way. 

“I just…he…” Dawson shrugged. “He was here. Said he was going to find you.” 

“Yeah, he said you were busy.” 

“I should go.” Andie stood quickly, the book that had been sitting in her lap tumbling to the floor. Joey bent down to help her gather the papers that had scattered around the room. She reached under the bed to get one that had drifted and paused as her hand encountered something cold. She pulled it from under the covers and froze. 

Shoving the small item in her pocket, she grabbed the paper and handed it to Andie. “You’re sure you can’t stay? I mean, you’re not going to leave me alone with both of them, are you?” 

“No. No. I should go.” Andie started for the door, stopping as she came face to face with Pacey. “I have to go.” 

He stared down at her, his blue eyes unreadable. “Why’s that, Andie? Get all your…studying done?” 

She looked away and shouldered past him, not meeting his gaze. “Bye guys.” She hurried off down the stairs, practically running. Joey walked over to the door and watched her go, her eyes narrowed. As Andie disappeared, Joey turned and looked at Pacey, watching him stare after his ex-girlfriend. 

“Everything okay, Pacey?” 

He looked at her, “Things are just fine, Potter. Why wouldn’t they be?” 

“You guys going to watch the movie or am I just going to be subjected to the sight of you staring at each other all nauseatingly night long?” 

Pacey whipped his gaze over to Dawson and nailed his best friend with it. “I’ve already had enough entertainment for the evening. I think I’ll pass, if you don’t mind.” 

“Fine.” Dawson lay back on the bed and rested his head on his hands. “I guess it’s just going to be me and Joey.” 

Joey looked from one to the other, wondering at the tension crackling in the room until she reached into her pocket and touched the object she’d found. Anger and pain surged up in her chest and she shook her head. “Actually, I think I’m going to bail as well. I’ve got some serious studying to do for finals, and I think I have a better chance of getting work done with Alexander chewing on my textbook than I do over here.” 

“You sure everything is okay, Joey?” Dawson sat up as she froze in the window, looking back at him with hurt in her eyes. 

“Yeah. Everything’s fine.” 

Pacey watched her as she bolted out of the window, not looking back at either of them. He gave Dawson a glare and turned to go. “Sorry I…interrupted you earlier,” he sneered the words. “I’m surprised you let me stop you.” 

“Like you said, Pacey, we were almost finished.” 

Pacey swallowed and nodded sharply. “Next time, it would probably be best if you didn’t invite us over on the same day as your illicit little rendezvous. Either that or you should put up some kind of warning. That would keep people from walking in on you.” 

Dawson watched him go with a sad smile on his face. “What makes you think that wasn’t my intention?” 

~**~

Joey sat in the rowboat and stared at the small silver object in her hand. Everything was slowly coming together…slowly in the way an avalanche is slow. 

Dawson had sex. 

With Andie. 

And Pacey walked in on it. 

The pieces fell into place with a scary sort of precision. That was why Pacey hadn’t wanted her to go up to Dawson’s room. He thought they were still…still…

And it explained why Andie was so nervous at seeing her, why she seemed so scattered. 

And it made perfect sense why Dawson had seemed so smug. 

Not only had he lost his virginity, he’d done it with Pacey’s ex-girlfriend. The perfect slap in the face for the guy you thought had betrayed you. 

And Pacey had probably reacted exactly as Dawson had suspected he would. Angry, hurt, wounded. And, much to her dismay, very interested in Andie. She looked up toward Dawson’s house where she could just see the back of Pacey’s dad’s car. Where she could just see Pacey standing, his arms wide as he circled around Andie’s sullen figure. 

Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was staring at the ground, refusing to acknowledge Pacey’s presence or words. 

Joey watched them for a long time before she put her oars in the water and pushed away from the dock. She had no right to cry, no reason to feel so lost. Pacey didn’t belong to her. They’d decided that everything was better off over when it came to the two of them. 

Which meant it shouldn’t matter that he was concerned about Andie having sex with Dawson. It shouldn’t matter that he was following Andie instead of her, worrying about her state of mind. It shouldn’t matter. 

But it did. 

~**~

“Are you out of your mind, McPhee?” Pacey grabbed Andie’s arm as she tried to push past him. She had dropped her books outside the front door and he’d practically tripped over her as he’d stormed out of Dawson’s house. She’d left her books in a pile and run off, reaching the side of his car before he’d caught her. 

“Not the best question to ask me, is it?” She had tears standing in her eyes as she glared at him. “What do you want, Pacey?” 

“Mostly I want to know why you’re fucking Dawson.” His voice was cold and hard. “I mean, come on, Andie. You haven’t even had any kind of relationship with him, why on earth would you want to just sleep with him?” 

“Why shouldn’t I? I mean, Dawson’s nice and he’s…he’s…”

“He’s using you to get to me and Joey.” 

“Right.” Andie smirked at him. “Why would he use me, Pacey? Just because I’m your friend and ex-girlfriend? Why should that matter? I mean, it’s not like you still have feelings for me.” 

Pacey’s voice dropped to a soft rumble. “Andie, you know that’s not true. I’ll always have feelings for you. You were my first love. You were a lot of things to me, and just because we aren’t together, doesn’t mean you don’t matter to me.” 

“Well…” The tears finally made their way down her cheeks and she looked up at him. He was standing in front of her, his eyes full of concern. “I’ve been so lonely, Pacey. And he’s been so nice lately. After…after we found out about you two, we kind of sat around and bonded for hours. We talked about how you guys meant so much to us and how…how much we hated you for falling for each other.” 

“Joey and I don’t exist as anything other than friends, Andie. Not anymore, not ever really. There was a momentary lapse, but it’s gone, never to return. I can’t…I don’t understand.” 

Andie sighed and leaned back against the side of the car. “I was lonely. He was lonely. I…we…I kind of…like him, Pacey.” She felt a fresh wave of tears. “And all he can see is Joey.” 

Pacey bent his head, not wanting to see her cry, not wanting to be tempted to do the same. “Yeah, McPhee. I know the feeling.” 

~**~

Joey pulled up to the dock and tied the boat. Pulling herself onto the dock, she stared out at the creek. Her hand slipped into her pocket, curling around the cold foil of the condom wrapper. 

Dawson was having sex with Andie. 

She pulled the wrapper out and stared at it. Trojan, extra sensitive. She laughed quietly. It only figured that anything Dawson used would be extra-sensitive. 

“I wondered if you figured it out.” Pacey sat down next to her, letting his feet dangle over the edge of the dock. 

She handed him the wrapper. “I found a clue.” 

“You’re a regular Nancy Drew.” He took it from her, looked it over and handed it back. “You okay?” 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” She cast a quick glance at him. “I mean, you and Andie seemed awfully tight afterwards. Did seeing her give it up to Dawson open those floodgates?” 

“Floodgates?” Pacey turned slightly and raised an eyebrow. “Is that supposed to mean something?” 

“No.” She stood up and started toward the house. “No. It’s not.” 

Pacey got to his feet and followed her. “Joey? Do you…does this mean anything for us?” 

She stopped, thinking about his face as he’d watched Andie leave Dawson’s room. “No. No it doesn’t. It can’t.” 

“Right.” He nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. “I mean, after all, Dawson is allowed to move on, allowed to have sex with someone, but you’re required to give up something good…”

“Pacey, stop.” She turned slowly and faced him. “I don’t want…”

“Do you think he did any of this for any reason other than to hurt us, Joey? This was our punishment.” 

“Except I wasn’t supposed to find out.” She shrugged. “This was your punishment, Pacey.” 

He stepped back, as if she had slapped him. Her cool delivery and nonchalant attitude felt like ice in his veins. “I see. And apparently you share the belief that I deserve to be punished?” He wanted it to be an accusation, but the hurt lacing his tone turned it into a question. “Because it meant something to me and didn’t to you, I suppose? Because you just like kissing me, you didn’t invest anything emotionally.” 

“That’s not…”

“I got it. And you can tell your friend Dawson that he can stop using Andie to punish me. Tell him that you’ve managed to finish me off for him.” He turned around and headed for his car, not looking back. Joey watched him, barely resisting the urge to run after him. 

“Pacey!” 

“See ya around, Jo.” He climbed in his car and drove off, not once looking back. 

~**~

“So, you want to explain this to me?” Joey sat down at the table next to Dawson and dropped the envelope in the middle of his tray. Dawson gave her a curious look before picking it up and opening it. 

The foil wrapper fell out. “You tell me. Should I ask what you and Pacey did last night?” 

“I found this on your bedroom floor last night when I helped Andie pick up her papers. Since Jen and Pacey never got that far, I figured it had to be yours.” 

“Because I’m the big lothario?” 

“Because it’s your bedroom and Pacey walked in on you.” Joey took a sip of her drink and met Dawson’s eyes. “Just tell me if you’re proud of yourself, Dawson? I mean, you took something that should be really special and used it for revenge. Not only that, you used someone that doesn’t deserve to even be involved in this little melodrama.” 

“Andie’s just as much involved as I am. She’s Pacey’s ex-girlfriend.” 

“Ex being the operative word, Dawson. She and Pacey broke up. They’re not dating. She has no right to judge or make decisions in his life right now.” 

“Is that a thinly veiled comment directed at my involvement?” He continued to hold her gaze, not willing to look away. “Is this your way of telling me to butt out, Joey? Because I find it odd that you would so willingly cater to my wishes in getting rid of Pacey, yet then come to me and inform me that I had no right to require any kind of choice of you.” 

“This is about Andie. You know that she’s fragile, Dawson.” 

“Actually, she held up pretty well.” 

Joey flinched. “I never thought I’d see you so cold.” 

“Maybe you just never saw me.” 

“Maybe I didn’t. Or maybe, just like you, I only saw what I wanted to see. You want to use people, Dawson. Don’t do it in my name.” 

“Hey guys.” Andie approached the table slowly, obviously looking for approval to join them. “Mind if I…?”

“No.” Joey got up. “I was just leaving.” 

“Where’s Pacey, Joey?” Dawson called after her as she walked away. “I would have thought you’d be back with him, given what you think you know.” 

“All I know Dawson, is that you’re going to hurt someone on this little obstacle course you’re running through. And most likely, it’s going to be someone who doesn’t deserve it.” 

“You both deserve it.” 

Joey laughed grimly. “We’re not the ones you’re going to hurt.” 

~**~

Dawson sighed heavily and looked at Andie. She was perched tentatively on the edge of her seat, her eyes glued to the foil wrapper that was almost hidden beside Dawson’s tray. “Well, I guess we’ve been found out, huh?” 

He managed the beginnings of a smile. “I’m sorry.” 

She laughed, “Don’t be. I should be the one who’s sorry. I didn’t realize what it was all about. You probably thought I did.” She took a long drink of her water. “I didn’t realize it had nothing to do with me, other than the fact that I’d already slept with Pacey. Tell me, Dawson, would any one who had had that pleasure suited the bill? Or was I special?” 

“You weren’t…”

“Yesterday I thought it actually had something to do with me. I thought maybe, somewhere underneath the anger and the pain was maybe an inkling of feeling for me. I guess I was just maybe seeing things I wanted to. But then, that’s me, right? Seeing things that aren’t there?” She grabbed her tray and stood up quickly, hurrying from Dawson’s table. 

He stood up, trying to stop her, “Andie…” As she left the room; he sank back down and sighed. 

~**~

Pacey walked through the sand, wishing for the warmth of summer. Summer meant no more school, no more seeing them – his friends – every day. His friends. Well, that was pretty much a past tense sort of thing. Dawson’s reluctant acceptance of the fact that he and Joey had found something interesting in each other for a short while was obviously a lie. Joey’s interest was limited to the extent of Dawson’s acceptance. Andie was fucking Dawson. Jack and Jen seemed the only ones not caught up in their little melodrama. 

And he had no interest in involving them. Maybe something from this wreckage could be salvaged. Maybe someone could escape unscathed. 

“Pacey?” 

He closed his eyes and kept walking, not wanting to stop. 

“Pacey.” Joey jogged up beside him and fell into step with him. “You weren’t in school today.” 

“Yeah. Well.” He shrugged. “Discretion seemed the better part of valor.” 

“About what I said last night…”

“Did you mean it?” 

“Mean?” 

“Did you mean it when you said that it didn’t change anything? Did you mean it when you said that it was my punishment? Did you?” 

“I…”

“Because if you did, we’ve said everything we needed to say. You’ve said it all, Jo. Look, I was an idiot to think that I could come between you two, mean as much to you. I…it was just a fling to you, wasn’t it? It was just like he said, right? Something you never intended for someone to find out about. I was your dirty little secret that accidentally got brought out into the light of day.” 

“No, that’s not…”

“Well, don’t worry, Jo. You leave me alone, I’ll just crawl right back under my rock.” 

She grabbed his arm and whirled him around to face her. “Just stop!” She held his arm tightly, refusing to let go, afraid he’d turn and walk away. “Would you just shut up and listen to me?” 

“No.” He stared at her, his blue eyes flat and unemotional. “I don’t want to hear it.” 

“I…I have these feelings for you, Pacey. Feelings I don’t understand. And for a long time, I don’t think I wanted to understand them. Because understanding them meant re-evaluating every relationship I have in my life.” He looked away, but she continued talking. “You’ve always been my friend, even when we hated one another. I knew I could go to you, talk to you.” 

“But Dawson’s the one that’s always been there for you, he’s the one you’ve always counted on.” He threw her words back at her. “We’re supposed to have our own history, Jo, but it doesn’t matter, because his is the story that matters, because the winner always writes the history books.” He finally pulled his arm out of her grip. “I don’t want to do this. I’m not in the mood to dissect what happened between us. In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever be in the mood, so how about I just tell you what you want to hear?” 

“I don’t want to hear, I want you to listen!” 

“I never felt anything, okay? You’re just a hot chick with a nice ass, okay? You’re sexy and I wanted you. And being around you gave me the biggest hard-on I’ve ever had, so I thought I’d try and get in your pants. I knew you’d never just give it up, so I tried a little romance first. There. Are you satisfied? That’s our story, Jo. The end.” 

She pursed her lips as he stormed off, struggling to control her anger. Finally, she ran after him, tackling him to the ground in the loose sand. Pacey threw her off of him and turned over, glaring at her as she moved back on top of him. “No.” 

“Yes, Jo.” His eyes pleaded with her. “That’s the story.” 

“No.” She reached down and brushed sand from his forehead. “It’s not. I don’t believe it.” 

“Well, it’s true.” 

“If that’s all it is, why do I want so much more than kisses from you? Why do I want to spend time with you and find out all those secrets that you keep hidden behind your eyes? Why do I want to figure Pacey J. Witter out? Why do I care what makes him hurt and what makes him smile?” 

“You’re insane?” 

She shook her head. “I want this to be easy, Pacey. I want to be able to just walk away from you, and I find that I can’t. I wanted…” Shrugging, she gave him a weak smile. “Nothing between us is ever easy. I should have remembered that.” 

“It doesn’t matter, Jo. Dawson is our friend. And we can’t…”

“Why not? He did.” 

“Because if I’m going to be with you, I need to be with you for the right reasons. Reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with Dawson Leery.” 

“Is it possible for anything in our lives to have nothing to do with Dawson Leery?” She asked softly. 

“No. And that’s why this is just as impossible now as it was when you tackled me.” He looked up at her. Her hair was lit by the sun, falling around her like some sort of glowing halo. Her golden eyes seemed to dance with the light as they looked down at him. “You’re just a habit I’m going to have to break, Josephine Potter. And I’ll have a hell of a lot more luck doing that when you’re not sitting on me.” 

“So if I stay here, I’m guaranteed to keep you around for a while?” She wiggled a little on his lap, freezing as she felt the hardness of his erection against her as she moved. 

Pacey chuckled weakly. “Now look what you’ve done.” 

“I did that?” 

“You do that,” he corrected. “And I really wish you’d stop.” Raising his hands to her hips, he lifted gently, trying to urge her off his lap. She resisted and his hands slid up her waist under her shirt so that he could feel her warm skin. 

Joey drew in a sharp breath as his hands touched her, her eyes flying to his. He was struggling with his breathing, his eyes closed tight. “Pacey?” 

“Joey? I’m only gonna be able to ask you this once. Can you please get the hell away from me?” 

“Why?” 

Pacey groaned and sat up, his hands sliding up her bare back as he did so. His lips found hers, hot and hungry. Joey matched his kiss, melting into him. Her hands wandered over his back, pulling him closer, tugging on his shirt. 

One of his hands held the back of her neck, her shirt sliding up so that it barely covered her breasts. The other one wrapped around her waist, holding her against him, refusing to give her an inch to get away from him. His mouth devoured hers, passion and anger, loss and loneliness boiling between them as his tongue, lips and teeth collided with hers. 

Joey moaned softly, matching him kiss for kiss, bite for bite, lick for lick. She moved her hands up to his hair, holding his kiss to hers. “Oh Pacey,” she managed between collisions. “Oh God, Pacey.” 

Coming to something like sense, Pacey struggled with her, until he could push her away. “God! No!” He shoved her off of him, crawling backwards until they weren’t touching any longer. “No. I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to let you make us about this.” He got to his feet and took off, not wanting to see her face, not wanting to know if he hurt her. 

He was hurting enough as it was. 

~**~

Jack tapped on Andie’s door. “You’ve got company.” 

“I don’t want company.” 

He pushed the door open and gestured for Dawson to enter. “Too late.” 

Andie rolled her eyes and moved off her bed to the window. Dawson stood awkwardly in the doorway. Jack looked at them both for a long moment before walking away. Finally, Dawson stepped into the room and closed the door. “I was wondering if we could talk.” 

“No. Now go.” 

“Andie? Please?” He grinned self-deprecatingly. “It’s not often I actually take the blame for making an ass out of myself, but I thought now might be a decent time to do it.” 

“Go away, Dawson, please? Let me salvage some dignity from this?” She sighed. “It’s bad enough that I think I’m some sort of delusional slut, I’d rather not know who else does.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

She shook her head, still refusing to look at him. 

“I used you to hurt Pacey, and I didn’t have the right to do that. I wanted him to hurt the way that I did when I found out about them. I wanted him to know what it was like to lose someone that meant the world to you.” 

“Then why didn’t you just fuck Joey?” Andie snapped the words out, her own hurt and anger overtaking her. “All I am to Pacey is a memory, okay? We were nice while we lasted, but he walked away. It was over a long time ago, at least for him. The only person you managed to hurt in this whole thing was me.” She felt the tears coming and measured her breathing to keep them from falling. “I’m sorry your plan backfired, Dawson.” 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Andie.” He stepped closer to her, watching her reaction as he neared. She was nervous and hurting, but her eyes kept straying to him, watching him. “I would never do that, not on purpose. I just didn’t think. I didn’t realize that he still meant so much to you.” 

“You think this is about Pacey?” She laughed, wincing when she heard the hysterical edge. “You are oblivious, aren’t you, Dawson? This has nothing to do with Pacey. It hurt me to know that he’d moved on. But it hurts me more to know that someone I thought was my friend, someone that I liked and thought maybe liked me, thought so little of me that he used me to hurt the man he calls his best friend. What hurts me is to know that while I was thinking that maybe I had a chance of starting something new with someone who knew a little bit of what I was going through, you were just looking for fucking revenge.” 

“That’s not…I do like you Andie.” 

“You like me enough to fuck me, Dawson. That’s not what I’m looking for.” She walked past him without looking at him and opened the door. “There’s the door. I think you can find your way out.” 

“Andie, I want to make this up to you.” 

“How?” She finally met his eyes. Dawson’s eyes narrowed at the hurt there. “How can you, Dawson? You can’t take it back; you can’t make it never happen. How are you going to make up the fact that the last two times I’ve had sex, the only memory I have of them is the look on Pacey’s face after the fact?” 

She closed her eyes and stepped out into the hall, effectively dismissing him. “I’m sorry, Andie.” 

“Go. Away. Dawson.” 

~**~

Joey slammed her bedroom door behind her and fell face first onto her bed. Her head was throbbing, her chest hurting from the run home. She grabbed her pillow and pulled it against her, hugging it to her body. She heard the door open behind her and buried her head against the softness. “Go away!” 

“Nope. Sorry.” Bodie walked into the room and sat on the edge of her bed. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. You see, if we have someone in the B&B crying her eyes out, it reflects badly on the blueberry pancakes.” 

Joey gave a sad laugh and shook her head. “Not crying.” 

“Close enough.” Bodie stroked back her long, dark hair and tapped her on the head. “Come on, Jo. Give.” 

“No. It’s nothing I want to talk about. I don’t even want to think about it.” 

“Does this have to do with a certain boy?” 

Joey rolled over onto her back and nodded. “Yeah.” 

“But it’s not Dawson?” 

Her eyes narrowed. “How did you know?” 

“Well, besides your sister telling me about the kiss, I have eyes. I can see that he’s got some pretty serious emotion where you’re concerned.” 

“And what am I supposed to do about it?” She sighed and forced herself to sit up. “I’ve…I hurt him and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t even know if it can be fixed.” 

“How do you feel about him?” 

“I…I don’t know. I mean, ever since I was a kid, I’ve had this thing for Dawson, you know? I mean, I adored him, worshiped him, longed for him. And then, after I had him, I realized I’d never gotten a chance to be the Joey Potter that didn’t have anything to do with Dawson Leery. And this year? I’ve managed to grow up a lot, and Pacey helped me do that. He challenges me and encourages me. He lets me be me. He flips me shit about a lot of what I do, but he never tells me that I can’t be that way, that it doesn’t fit into his idea of me. I don’t know that he has an idea of me.” 

“That doesn’t quite answer my question.” 

“I’m afraid to think about what I feel for him.” She sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest. “I’ve never let myself think about Pacey that way. I knew that it would cause problems. I mean, the first time he kissed me, I was so wrapped up in Dawson…and now, well, I…I like kissing him. And I like being with him.” 

“So you like him?” 

“He makes me feel alive, Bodie. He’s like this match that ignites my blood.” 

“And how does Dawson make you feel?” 

“I don’t know. I haven’t spent much time with Dawson this year. It’s like we’ve been moving away from each other.” 

“Sometimes you have to do that.” 

Joey nodded and looked over at her dresser. There was a picture of her and Dawson sitting on the docks together. She remembered the day Pacey had taken it. “No matter what I do, Bodie, I hurt someone that I care about. Someone that cares about me.” 

“Joey, if you walk away from Dawson to be with Pacey…well, how do you think he’ll react?” 

“He’ll probably do something stupid like sleep with someone he doesn’t care about and pretend that nothing is wrong.” 

“Let’s be a little more hypothetical.” 

She blushed and looked down at her hands. “Dawson and I always seem to forgive each other in the long run. But I don’t know that he’d ever forgive Pacey. And other than me, Dawson is Pacey’s best friend.” 

“And if you were to walk away from Pacey, what do you think would happen?” 

“I’d be miserable.” 

“To him, Jo.” 

She shrugged, not wanting to meet Bodie’s eyes. “He’d still be my friend. Still be Dawson’s friend. He’d pretend it didn’t matter and he’d go on with his life. And then one day, he’d just disappear and I’d never see him again.” 

“So, how do you feel about that?” 

“I’m in love with him, aren’t I?” Her hazel eyes met Bodie’s dark ones and she sighed sadly. “I’m in love with him and it’s already all gone wrong. I walked away from him, Bodie. We decided it had to be over and it is, and now I don’t know how to get it back to the way that it was.” 

“You can’t.” Bodie traced a square in her quilt before looking at her. “About five years ago, before your mom died, you sister was seeing this guy. She really liked him. He really liked her. They were in love. Head over heels for each other, even though they didn’t really realize it at the time.” He smiled sadly. “The guy…well, he made some stupid choices for all the wrong reasons and your sister kissed his ass goodbye. Kicked him out of her life. Now, mind you, I’m pretty damn glad she did, since I was falling pretty hard at the time, but I know that it tore her up inside. And I don’t know how things would be now if the guy had admitted he’d made a mistake and apologized, but I think they may have been different.” 

“I don’t remember…” Joey laughed. “God, Pacey was right, wasn’t he? It was Doug?” 

Bodie sighed and raised one eyebrow in defeat. “Yeah. What is it about you Potter girls and those Witter boys, anyway?” 

“They have a certain roguish charm.” Joey laughed quietly. “But you and Bessie…she doesn’t regret any of it, does she?” 

“No.” Bessie’s voice came from the doorway, startling them both. “I don’t. I love Bodie. And I did love Doug. He’ll always have a place in my heart. But Doug wasn’t my Pacey, Joey. He was my Dawson.” 

Joey stared at her sister for a long time before glancing over at Bodie. “Bet you never thought you’d be compared to Pacey, huh? At least not with it being a favorable thing?” 

“Hey, the kid’s got taste in women. He can’t be all bad.” 

~**~

“I thought I’d find you here.” 

Pacey looked up into Andie’s blue eyes. “Hey, McPhee.” 

“Hey…Pacey.” She glanced over the boat and smiled. “Permission to come aboard?” 

“Sure. Why not?” He held out his hand to her and helped her climb into the boat. She settled easily against the rail and crossed her arms over her chest. “You look…upset. You okay, Andie?” 

“No. Dawson came by.” 

“Ah. Cause enough for the scowl on your face, I’d have to say.” 

“Right. And in the act of apologizing, he…”

“Dawson apologized?” 

She made a face and continued. “He managed to miss the point entirely. Which shouldn’t surprise me, considering it is Dawson. But it still hurt.” 

“Being used does that to you. Hurts.” He picked up a few things and carried them below deck. “So what brings you knocking on my door?” He kept his tone light. “After all, I sort of thought I was still persona non grata. Or did Dawson’s foray into typical machismo up my esteem in your eyes?” 

“I felt bad about what I’d said the night we found out. And I felt that maybe I was more than a little out of line. And I have no right judging you when I’m just as messed up about stuff as you are.” She shrugged a little. “And I was wondering if you wanted company.” 

“I don’t know that that’s a good idea, Andie. I don’t want anything to be misunderstood between us or…anyone who might happen to see us.” 

“You’re afraid Joey might think you’d given up on her and settled for me?” 

“No one could ever just settle for you, McPhee.” He started to reach out for her, but let his hand fall. “Never.” 

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

Pacey nodded and shrugged, feeling slightly embarrassed. “You should go home. Get some sleep. And don’t let Dawson’s inability to see what’s right in front of his eyes hurt you. You’re an amazing girl, Andie. And soon, someone besides the likes of me is going to notice and sweep you off your feet.” 

“You’re a pretty tough act to follow, Witter.” She reached over and took his hand, squeezing it lightly. “I’m going to go then.” 

“Goodnight, Andie.” 

“Night, Pacey.” She moved forward and kissed his cheek. “And don’t worry. She loves you.” 

“So everyone seems to think.” 

“I can tell.” 

“How’s that?” He asked softly, almost afraid of the answer. 

“Because I know what loving you looks like.” 

~**~

The harsh crack of thunder seemed to echo through the small craft as Pacey lay down on the bed. The boat rocked gently in the waves, not quite giving in to the threat of the storm. He rested his hands underneath his head and stared up at the ceiling, wondering what he was supposed to do now. 

Joey was his reason right now. Now that the boat was ready to sail, he had only one desire and that was to get the hell out of Capeside. Joey was the one thing keeping him there. He didn’t need school. He could easily get his GED. His parents didn’t care if he hung around. He could get a job without too much effort. He was smart, willing to work and perfectly capable of doing just about anything he was asked. So long as he kept his mouth shut, he shouldn’t have a problem. 

And as long as he didn’t have Joey, he didn’t have a reason not to go. 

He wondered briefly if anyone would miss him. Andie, maybe. Jen, possibly. Beyond that he couldn’t think, wouldn’t think. He’d leave Capeside and everything else behind. Start over. Find some other city where they didn’t know him, didn’t know his past. Someplace he could make a new start out of everyone’s shadow. 

Lightning flashed and a strange shadow fell over him. He sat up and looked at the now open door of the cabin. “What are you doing here?” 

“I was hoping we could talk.” 

He shook his head and sighed angrily. “We said everything that needed to be said, Joey. There aren’t any more words.” 

“I’m not in love with Dawson.” 

“Yeah?” He asked sarcastically. “Well, congratulations.” 

“I’m in love with you.” 

He laughed bitterly, harshly. “You’ll have to excuse me while I process that one, Joey. Because I’m having some trouble. After all, you’re the woman who ran after Dawson. You’re the one who couldn’t manage to get the words out, couldn’t manage to tell him that you had even a bit of interest in me. You couldn’t tell him, Jo, so forgive me if I don’t believe you telling me.” 

“I had a long talk with…”

“Joey.” He clenched his fists, trying not to scream the word. “I don’t care. I don’t. Not…not anymore. So just go away, okay? Go back to the perfect life with him. I don’t…I can’t…” He shoved off the bed and stalked toward her. “I can’t do this. I can’t be your second choice. Look, you can say all you want that you don’t love him, but you do. You’re always going to run to him. You’re always going to need him. I’m just the newest thing.” 

She stared at him as he approached her, her golden eyes angry, matching the raging storm outside. “How do you know what I am?” 

“Because I’ve been watching you every day of my life.” She could barely hear the words over the rain. Pacey reached behind her and threw the cabin door back open and gestured out into the night. “Go away, Joey.” 

“No.” She stood her ground, refusing to give in, to give up. “Not until you listen to me.” 

He shook his head and cursed softly, pushing past her to climb onto the deck. He tugged her behind him, pulling her out into the rain with him. They were both immediately drenched. “I don’t want to hear it, okay? I don’t want to hear your sudden revelations. I’ve made my decision.” 

“You can’t start this and then just walk away!” She had to shout to be heard over the sudden roar of thunder. She shoved her hair out of her face, not caring as the water cascaded over her. “You can’t walk away from this, Pacey! You can’t walk away from me.” 

“You already walked away!” He shoved her toward the docks. “Do it again.” 

Tears mixed with the rain as she shook her head, ignoring his shoves. She stood her ground, glaring at him through her thick lashes. “I’m not walking away this time, Pacey.” 

“Why?” He shouted. “Because there’s not a Dawson to run to?” 

She slapped him soundly and shoved him back. “I don’t want Dawson. I want you!” 

“You can’t have me.” He started to turn away and head back toward the cabin when she grabbed his arm and pulled him to her. Her hands framed his face and held him still, her eyes searching his. 

“I can’t let you go,” she whispered as she brought his mouth down to hers. She moved her hands to his neck, letting her nails graze the skin lightly before sinking into the sensitive skin. Pacey hissed and opened his mouth, allowing her entrance into the warm haven. Her tongue slipped inside, finding every surface, capturing his and sucking on it, pulling him closer to her. 

Pacey’s hands shook at his sides, aching to touch her. He fought his desire, fought his need and captured her hands, disengaging them from his body and then forcing her away. “No,” he panted. 

“Yes.” Her eyes were demanding, her body arching toward his. 

“No.” His voice was more firm and he pushed her away from him, letting her go. “No.” 

“Fine.” She glared at him through the falling rain, wiping her face free of the droplets and her tears. “Fine. I’ll just walk away, Pacey and you’ll never know. We’ll never know what we could have had. We’ll never know if any of this was worth it! Is that what you want? Do you want to lose everything all for nothing? Do you want to give up everything without even taking the chance?” When he didn’t answer, she shook her head and let her hand fall to her side. “Fine, Pacey. Walk away. Good luck with that.” 

He stood there silently for a moment, watching her as she started to walk away. Without thinking, without knowing what he was doing, he reached out and grabbed her, pulling her back against him. Her back was stiff as she collided with him, the wet cloth of her shirt clinging to her skin. He reached around her and carefully cupped her breasts ever so lightly. His breath was hot on her neck. “Joey,” he whispered brokenly, his thumbs brushing over the damp material that covered her hard nipples. 

Joey arched into his hands, letting her head fall back onto his shoulder as he caressed her roughly and gently all at once. Her lips found the pulse of his neck and she licked it, imagining she could taste the heat. His hands trembled, one of them sliding down to the apex of her thighs, rubbing the denim of her jeans. She groaned low in her throat and thrust into his hand, eager for his touch. Her teeth worried the skin above the throbbing vein and she wrapped her hand around the other side of his neck. 

Thought was lost to him. All he could process was sensation, the deep abiding need he had for her. He caught her hand and eased it away from his skin, leaving her breast feeling cold in the pounding rain. He slowly turned her so that they were facing each other. He met her smoldering eyes and smoothed the rain-soaked hair away from her face. “Say no, Joey.” 

She shook her head and pulled him toward the cabin. “Not no. Now.” 

*****

They practically fell down the steps in their haste to touch one another. As soon as he closed the sliding door behind them, Pacey tugged Joey’s shirt over her head, needing to feel her. He tossed the soaked material aside, not caring where it landed. Her bra was thin cotton and it clung to her, the darkness of her nipples in high relief against the wetness. 

They reached the bottom of the stairs and he lifted her, wrapping his mouth around one hard tip as he carried her over to the counter. He set her on it, liking the height as he suckled her through her bra. 

Joey’s hands were busy, pulling his sweater up, wanting it off of him. He pulled away long enough for her to divest him of it before moving forward once more to taste the other succulent nipple. He used his fingers to pull back the material that cupped the soft mound of her breast, then wrapped his lips around the tip. Joey cried out softly, her fingers losing themselves in his hair as he feasted on her. 

Wrapping her legs around his waist, Joey pulled Pacey closer. Her hands raked over his bare back, her nails leaving small pink tracks in the dark skin. His own hands were tracing patterns along her spine as he carefully unhooked her bra. Moving his head away from her reluctantly, he slid the lingerie off of her and stared at her creamy skin in the pale light of the cabin. 

Joey watched his eyes, amazed at the play of emotion in them. How could she not have seen everything that was right there in his eyes? She pushed his damp hair back off his head and forced him to look her in the eyes. They stared at each other in a timeless moment until she smiled. Pacey gave her a relieved grin as he brought a fingertip lightly across her nipple. 

Joey tightened her legs around him, her body shivering with response. Pacey leaned into her, letting his lips brush over hers. She smiled against his kiss and let her tongue tease his lower lip before she caught it between her teeth. 

A soft rumble of desire escaped Pacey and he slipped his hands under Joey’s bottom to pull her even closer. He shifted her hips so that she was pressed tightly against him, his erection brushing the thin denim of her jeans. Joey’s legs locked around him and he lifted her, carrying her carefully over to the bed. 

He lay her down, reaching behind his back to unhook her ankles. She let her legs fall away from him, her eyes locked on his. His hands carefully smoothed her legs against his sides as he knelt between her spread legs. With trembling fingers, he carefully unfastened her jeans, sliding the zipper down. She shivered and dropped her eyes to his hands, watching him as he slowly undressed her. 

Backing away from her slowly, Pacey eased the material of her jeans and panties down her smooth legs, pulling her shoes off as well. She lay spread out before him and his eyes caressed her lovingly. Her skin was smooth and golden, softly curved. He set her wet clothes aside and moved to sit beside her. The rough denim of his jeans brushed the warm skin of her hip and he moved a bit further away, carefully rubbing the spot where he’d touched her. 

Joey struggled with her embarrassment, wanting to cover herself up, but something in his eyes held her still. They were like caresses, each look stroking her body with a mixture of strength and tenderness. He watched her eyes for a long time before letting his gaze fall to her rising chest and the dark peaks that topped the alabaster mounds of her breasts. 

She could feel her blood pounding where his eyes touched her, felt it rushing through her veins and staining her skin with a rosy flush. His eyes continued down, following his hand as he ran a single fingertip between her breasts down to her stomach. She inhaled; watching as he traced her navel then let his finger continue lower until it barely brushed the dark tangle of hair at the apex of her thighs. 

When her breath caught, Pacey stopped moving and forced his eyes back up to hers. He wanted so badly to get lost in her, but found he couldn’t until he was sure. She’d told him now, but he knew that now could so easily mean no. 

Joey’s eyes were dark with passion and need. She licked her lips, catching the lower one and chewing on it lightly. His hand still rested on her upper thigh and she longed for him to move it, ever so slightly and delve into her warmth and dampness. “Pacey?” She breathed the question, wondering at the sheer amazement in his eyes. He’d been there before, done this before, yet he looked as mesmerized as if he were experiencing it all for the first time. 

“I love you, Jo,” He whispered just as softly, not caring if she heard the words or not. His hand inched forward and made its way slowly over her inner thigh, his fingers seeking out the hot, swollen flesh so that he could part it and find her aching center. 

Bringing his other hand over to massage her breast, he slipped a finger inside her carefully, slowly entering her tight passage. Joey’s body tensed and he smiled at her, shaking his head. 

“It’s okay, Potter. I’m not going to hurt you.” 

She nodded, trying to will herself to relax. She watched his eyes as he watched her, losing herself in the murky blue depths. His finger barely moved, making small circles just inside her as the tension began to seep from her body. His thumb brushed over the distended nipple and he smiled as she pressed her lips together, blocking the soft moan of pleasure. 

Taking advantage of her enjoyment, Pacey slowly slid his finger further inside her, stroking the slick walls of her passage with his fingertip. Joey moaned again, this time unable to stop it, her body beginning to move against him. Repositioning his hand, Pacey carefully worked another finger inside her, moving his thumb up to brush the hard nub of her clitoris. 

Joey writhed at his touch, arching off the bed as his thumb danced over the sensitized flesh. Pacey continued thrusting his fingers inside her, slowly and rhythmically, increasing his pace as Joey began panting, pushing down against his hand. 

He leaned forward and captured the nipple he’d been torturing with his thumb between his lips and nibbled on it, his hand still moving, his thumb still tormenting her until Joey cried out his name, pressing herself into his hand, her whole body shivering as the hot rush of her orgasm ripped through her. 

Pacey released her nipple and used his free hand to coax Joey back down to the bed. She was panting hard, her breath shallow and ragged. Her eyes were half closed, as she looked at him in abject wonder. “I…is that…Pacey?” 

He removed his fingers from inside her and gave her a knowing smile. She sighed contentedly as he stood, watching as he slowly unfastened his jeans and kicked them off. His erection was straining against his boxer shorts and she couldn’t help but reach out and touch the damp material at the tip. 

Pacey groaned low in his throat and pulled away from her touch. He eased the fabric over his hips and stepped out of his clothes, kicking off his shoes at the same time. He seemed roughly as embarrassed as she had in the pale light, feeling her eyes on him as he moved down to the end of the bed. He placed his hands on her shins and parted her legs, inching his way between them. 

Bending forward, he let his lips brush the damp hairs that clung to her rosy skin. The puffy flesh was flushed and darkened with arousal as he slipped his tongue between the folds of skin and tasted her. Joey clenched the sheets in her hands, her hips arching of their own accord. 

Pacey’s tongue danced where his fingers had been moments before, tasting the residual moisture and sweat that permeated her skin. He let his tongue slip inside her before flicking it across her clit, smiling slightly as she lost control of her breathing and gave herself over to harsh pants. 

Moving away from her, Pacey ran his hand along the shelf that lined the bed until he came in contact with what he was searching for. Joey watched him curiously, her eyes widening at the sight of the silver foil wrapper in his hand. So much of this moment had started with something similar. “Pacey?” 

He stilled, inhaling sharply and hoping that she wasn’t about to ask him to stop. He would, if she asked, but he wasn’t going to be able to walk for a week if she did. “Yeah, Jo?” 

“Did you mean it?” 

“More than anything I’ve ever said, Joey.” He handed the condom to her and watched as her trembling fingers managed to open the package. He guided her hands to his cock and helped her ease it onto the length of him. She seemed fascinated by his length and girth, amazed at the sensitivity of it as it twitched under her gaze. 

“Will it hurt?” 

He brushed the hair out of her eyes as he guided the tip toward her opening. “Maybe a little. I hope that you’re ready for me. But if you’re not…if it hurts at all, you tell me and we’ll stop. I swear.” He kissed her softly and pressed inside her just a little. She hissed and tensed and Pacey stopped moving. “Relax, Jo.” 

“Easy for you to say, you’ve done this before.” She gave him a dirty look and stuck her tongue out. “You could have waited for me, you know.” 

“How was I supposed to know I was who you were waiting for?” He grinned again and licked her lips. “Now, I know it’s tough for you to shut up, Potter, but you think we could get back to the subject at hand?” 

“What subject is that?” 

He eased in a little further, feeling the resistance. “How much I love you?” 

Joey gasped a little as Pacey pressed forward; the soft sound of the membrane breaking lost in his sigh of satisfaction, as her entire body seemed to close in around him. She was hot and wet and tight and everything he’d ever dreamed of, ever fantasized about. 

“Oh, Joey.” He breathed her name with a sort of reverence, not moving, just lying inside her. Joey’s body seemed to fit perfectly around him. “You okay?” 

She nodded, surprised that it was true. “I thought it would hurt.” 

“Nah, not if you know what you’re doing.” He gave her an impish grin. “Tell me when you’re ready.” 

“Ready?” 

He moved a little and she gasped, shocked as she felt all of him filling her so completely. “For this.” 

~**~

Pacey leaned forward, kissing her softly. He moved his hips slowly, barely thrusting. Joey felt her body clench around him, reveling in the heat between them. She broke the kiss and swallowed hard. Her eyes growing wide with a mixture of surprise, wonder and hunger. 

Her hand shook as she touched his cheek, tracing the small scar. “I didn’t know I was waiting for you. I wonder how I didn’t know that.” She moved her hips experimentally, watching Pacey’s expression raptly. 

He closed his eyes and caught his breath, fighting the urge to lose control. “God, Jo,” he sighed. He started moving, his strokes easy and gentle. “Wanna wait,” he admitted, breathing in time with his thrusts, one hand snaking under her back and pulling her closer. “But I don’t think I can.” 

She nodded, wrapping her arms around him, feeling the muscles in his back shift as his body moved into her. Her hands roamed over his skin, learning him in new ways, ways she never imagined. 

Pacey fought a war with himself, needing to watch her face, her expression; but wanting to close his eyes and lose himself in the sensation of being buried inside her. 

He forced his eyes open, held her intense stare. He hated himself for looking for Dawson in her eyes, loved her all the more when he saw only himself. 

His thrusts grew shorter, more rapid, as he felt his cock tightening, surrendering to the rough massage as her muscles clenched around him, squeezing him. 

Laying her back flat on the bed, Pacey placed his hands on either side of her head and managed a smile. “Lo…love you,” he panted, thrusting hard and deep as he spun out of control, spiraling into her. 

Joey thrust her hips upward, grinding against his still body, the convulsion of her orgasm still rippling through his muscles. Slowly sinking from euphoria, Pacey thrust again, his fingers slipping down between them to find her swollen clitoris once more. 

She gasped softly, the combination of his smooth thrusts and seductive fingers sending spikes of desire through her. Bracing her feet against the bed, Joey forced herself up against him, hot pleasure coursing through her, her own body contracting around him. Pacey closed his eyes, reveling in the sensation before lowering himself onto her, spent and satiated. 

~**~

Easing off of her carefully, Pacey disposed of the condom before moving back beside her. He stretched out next to her, raising himself up on one elbow. He rested his head on his hand and let the other fall onto her stomach. Her skin was heated and soft with sweat and exertion. “You okay?” he asked softly. 

She nodded, a slight smile touching her lips. She reached out and smoothed his eyebrow then let her fingers trail down to his cheek and then his lips. She sucked her own lower lip between her teeth, chewing on it. Raising herself up to him, she pressed a kiss to his lips. “You?” 

“Potter, I can honestly say I’ve never been better.” 

She kissed him again, her tongue tasting him. He eased her down to the bed, cradling her head next to his chest. She touched the dark hair that trailed down beneath his navel, rubbing it with the pads of her fingers. “Where do we go from here?” she asked quietly. 

He heaved a sigh and lay flat on his back, raising one hand above his head. “I wish I knew.” He chuckled sadly, knowingly. “Things just got even more complicated.” 

“I know.” She raised her head and looked down at him. “I’m not sorry.” 

He grinned as his hand fumbled for a blanket to pull over them. “Neither am I, Potter.” 

~**~

Joey opened her eyes slowly and started to stretch, recoiling when she realized she was in bed with someone else. She was bed with someone else who wasn’t Dawson. She was in bed naked with someone else who wasn’t Dawson. 

“Our slumber parties never used to end like this.” Pacey’s voice was soft in the early morning light, almost like a caress. “Usually, I’d be on the cold, hard floor and you’d be all snuggled up with Dawson, staring at him.” 

Joey turned on her side and ran her finger over his lips. He was staring up at the ceiling, refusing to look over at her, even though the slightest hint of a smile decorated his lips. “And now I’m staring at you.” 

“Ya are?” He turned his head and met her gaze, his blue eyes dark with questions. “And what do you see, Joey Potter?” 

“It’s not so much what I see, Pacey, as the fact that it took me this long to see it.” She leaned forward and brushed his lips with her own. 

He grinned against her kiss, his hand running up her arm and settling on her shoulder before making its way back down. He tangled his fingers with hers and pulled back, wanting to see her reactions. “So where do we go from here, Potter?” 

“Why do I have to answer all the hard questions?” “Because I know my answers. I don’t know yours.” 

“Where do you want to go from here?” 

“Go?” Pacey moved, pinning her back on the bed, his body almost on top of hers. “I don’t want to go anywhere.” 

His chest crushed against hers, the softness of her breasts offering the perfect counterpoint to his firmly muscled chest. “And if I don’t either?” 

“Here we’ll stay?” He nuzzled her neck, licking the warm skin. “All snuggled up where no one can find us…” He stopped talking at the sharp knock on the cabin door. “Or where everyone can.” He reluctantly pulled away from her and dressed quickly, hurrying to open the door before whoever it was outside it took it upon themselves. 

Pulling it open slightly, he winced as the bright sunlight hit his eyes. Then winced again as he saw Dawson. “Hey.” 

“Pacey.” Dawson looked everywhere but at him. “I was wondering if we could talk. About…about Joey.” 

“What else do we have to talk about?” Pacey sighed begrudgingly and stepped out of the cabin. “Okay, D. Let’s go. You can buy me breakfast.” 

“Why am I buying you breakfast?” 

“So that I’ll listen?” Pacey gave him a knowing grin. “You do want me to listen, right?” 

“I thought we were friends.” 

“We were.” Pacey started walking, and Dawson fell in step next to him. “And then you went all possessive where Joey was concerned, then you slept with my ex-girlfriend in a misguided effort to upset me, then you…well, I’m sure there’s other stuff you did to piss me off, man. So I figure the least you can do is buy me pancakes.” 

Dawson shrugged and gestured to one of the dockside restaurants. “You kissed my ex-girlfriend, who I’m still in love with behind my back, attempt to start a relationship with her, you walk in on me and your ex-girlfriend, killing the mood I might add, and you make me out to be the bad guy. I don’t think you deserve breakfast.” 

“Do you even hear yourself?” 

“No.” Dawson gave him a self-deprecating grin. “Not when you react like that because I know I must have said something you deem stupid.” Shrugging, he sank into a booth. “I haven’t gone about this quite rationally, I’m aware of that. That’s why I need to talk to you.” 

“About Joey?” 

“About Joey. And Andie.” Dawson picked up the menu in order to avoid Pacey’s eyes. “And our friendship.” 

“Shall we start with the easy one or the hard one first?” The waitress walked up and they both ordered, waiting until she was gone before continuing. “Let’s say Andie. Least amount of history there.” 

“I was wrong to…use Andie like that. I know that. It was reprehensible. But, in my defense, I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.” 

“If you weren’t thinking straight, you would have slept with Jack.” 

Dawson cracked a smile. “Funny. You’re a riot.” 

“So, why’d you go through with it?” 

“We didn’t.” 

Pacey froze in the process of picking up the coffee cup the waitress had set in front of him. He tilted his head as if it would make it easier to hear what his friend had just said…or hadn’t said. “You what?” 

“We were about to, I mean, that much was probably pretty obvious when you walked in the door, but after you showed up…we just couldn’t. Neither of us. I was angry that you managed to ruin yet another thing and Andie felt so bad…” Dawson shrugged and stabbed his eggs. “So we got dressed and you know the rest.” 

“You didn’t sleep with her?” Pacey’s voice was low. There was a strange undercurrent that caught Dawson’s attention. 

“You sound…relieved.” 

“I am. Andie deserves better than that.” Pacey shrugged and took a bite of his pancakes. “Hell, so do you.” 

“Thanks.” Dawson ate a little of his breakfast. “So, which one next? Joey or us?” 

“You tell me, Dawson. This is your little melodrama.” 

Dawson picked up the syrup and drowned his pancakes. “Us.” When Pacey didn’t respond, he looked over at him. There was a mocking grin on his face. “What?” 

“Again, I’m just wondering if you picked the wrong McPhee.” 

“You have an obsession with the men around you being gay, don’t you?” Dawson managed another smile. “We’ve been friends a long time, Pacey.” 

“We have.” 

“And this has the potential to destroy all of that.” 

“It does.” 

“But only if we let it.” 

“If you’re asking me to change how I feel about Joey, it ain’t gonna happen.” Pacey lifted his coffee cup and took a drink. “I love her, Dawson. And I know that’s not what you want to hear. I know you say you still love her too. But this isn’t about what the two of us want. I want her to be with me. You want her to be with you. But I think we both want her to be happy. At least we should, if we really care about her.” 

“Would you say that if you weren’t so sure she was going to pick you?” 

Pacey’s head snapped up at Dawson’s words. “What?” 

“If you knew that she would pick me, would you still feel that way?” 

“That wasn’t what you said.” 

“Joey and I…we’ve drifted apart from each other this year. Whether it was because neither of us were minding our friendship or we both needed space and time or we both needed someone or something else, I don’t know. But we haven’t been there for each other this year.” 

“So you’re implying that the only reason Joey could possibly be interested in me is because you weren’t around?” 

“I’m saying that because I wasn’t around, Joey got to know you better. And maybe, for the first time, she saw the same things that I’ve always seen. The things that made you and I friends that she could never understand while we were growing up. Maybe once you weren’t both in my spotlight, you were able to see each other better.” 

“And when did you become so enlightened?” 

“I had a long talk with my mom.” Dawson shrugged. “I still love her, Pace. And to prove that, maybe I’m just going to have to walk away this time.” 

“I love her too.” 

“I know.” His lips settled in a grim line. “And I want to hate you for it. But I know that you don’t feel stuff lightly, Pacey. I know that you give yourself over into everything. So I know that you’ll take care of her.” 

“Aren’t you afraid, Dawson?” The question could have been taken as a challenge, but he tried very carefully to ask it as innocently as possible. 

“Petrified.” 

“So why?” 

“Because if I don’t let her do what she wants, what she has to do, I lose her forever. At least this way, maybe I still have a chance with her, somewhere down the road.” 

“And if she really loves me? If this is it? If I’m the one?” 

“You can’t be,” Dawson looked smug, although Pacey could see the smile lurking behind it. “I’m her soul mate.” 

“Things change.” 

“Maybe.” Dawson shrugged again. “If you’re the one, I’ll have to settle for the knowledge that I was a big enough man to let her go be with the person she loves.” 

“You’re so full of shit.” 

“Yeah.” Dawson smiled and laughed. “Yeah, I am.” They were quiet for a long moment until Dawson spoke again in a hushed tone. “Don’t hurt her.” 

“I won’t.” 

“You will.” 

Pacey stared at Dawson for a long time, noting his friend’s sadness. Knowing that he was facing his greatest fear, he offered him his. “Someday she’s going to rip my heart out when she runs back to you.” 

“At least you’ll still have a best friend to turn to.” 

Pacey’s voice was honest, grateful. “Thank you, Dawson.” 

“You’re welcome. And for that, you can pick up the breakfast tab.” 

~**~

Joey was sitting on the docks as Dawson and Pacey walked back from the restaurant. Pacey handed her a styrofoam container without comment and she grinned up at him, her dark eyes squinted against the morning sun. “Tell me it’s not blueberry pancakes.” 

“It’s not.” 

Standing, she set the container on the bench and turned to Dawson. “You guys are okay?” 

“Yeah.” He nodded, his eyes searching hers. “Mostly. And it’ll get better.” 

“You sure?” 

“Just…maybe you could not do too much of the couple stuff around me, at least for a little while?” 

Joey frowned. “I’m not going to pretend, Dawson…”

“Not asking for that, Jo.” He shuffled a little nervously. “I’m just asking that I don’t see the hardcore public displays of affection. Maybe keep any more Witter productions from finding their way into my personal video library?” 

Joey blushed and Dawson looked pained. “Don’t worry Dawson, I can safely assure you that you won’t be seeing any of *that*.” Giving Pacey a dirty look, she moved over to hug Dawson. Holding him close, she sniffed back the sudden onslaught of tears. “You’re still my best friend, Dawson.” 

He held her closely, savoring the feel and smell of her, the familiarity of her. “And you’re mine, Jo. You’ll always be mine.” 

She pulled back and stared into his eyes, looking for lies, or perhaps for truth. “And I do love you.” 

“I know. You just love him too.” 

“Which is so odd, since he’s Pacey.” She nodded, as if agreeing with him. 

“He’s also standing right here while you humiliate him,” Pacey reminded them, pulling Joey towards him. He wrapped his arms around her waist for a quick moment before letting her go, not wanting to rub salt into Dawson’s wounds. “Not that he’s not used to that from you, Potter.” 

“Don’t think this changes anything.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” She jabbed him in the ribs before walking over to get her breakfast. “So, are we taking the boat out today?” 

“We could,” Pacey agreed. “What do you say, Dawson? Want to join us?” 

“I don’t think so, Pace. I think there’s someone else I need to talk to.” 

Understanding lit Pacey’s eyes and he nodded. “You’d better be careful, Dawson. If I didn’t know you so well, I’d be beginning to think you were growing up and getting something very close to resembling a clue.” 

“I could stop being very nice about all this, you know.” 

“Nah, then you wouldn’t be the hero.” 

Dawson looked at Joey, happily eating her breakfast, settled on the deck of True Love. “I think you’re the hero this time, Pacey.” 

“Ya think?” He scrunched up his nose as if to disagree. 

“Yeah. And it looks good on you.” 

~**~

Andie opened the front door, starting to shut it as soon as she saw Dawson standing there. He quickly slid his foot inside and held it open. “Go away, Dawson.” 

“No.” 

“Yes.” 

“Nope. Not until we talk.” 

“You do realize who you’ve stooped to acting like, don’t you?” 

“It got him the girl, I figured it can’t be too bad a strategy.” Dawson smiled at Andie. “I called a truce with Pacey. And with Joey. And with Pacey and Joey, the couple. So I thought if I could do that, maybe you and I could enter into some peaceful negotiations.” 

“Why not just head straight for the U.N.?” 

“You’re more important than world peace.” He offered her an apologetic smile. “Can we talk, Andie?” 

“I reserve the right to kick you out.” 

“Fair enough.” Dawson followed her as she led him into the kitchen and sat down on one of the barstools. He sat down opposite her, resting his hands on the bar. “First off, I told Pacey the truth about us. That nothing actually happened.” 

“It doesn’t change the intention, Dawson. Besides, I already told you that my sex life isn’t one of Pacey’s biggest concerns.” 

“Your sex life may not be, but you are.” Dawson fiddled with the salt shaker. “He’s worried about you getting hurt, and I’m sorry I gave him cause to worry. I mean, I’m sorry that…I suck at apologizing.” 

“Maybe you should do it more.” She said the words without smiling. 

“It’s funny. I feel like that’s all I do sometimes.” He looked away from her. “I never meant to hurt you, Andie. I had my energies directed at a specific thing and I didn’t care who got in the way of me getting what I wanted.” 

“I know that feeling.” 

“And I didn’t care who got hurt in the process. But now that it’s over and done with, I find that I do care.” 

“Would you care if you’d gotten the girl?” 

“Probably not,” he laughed bitterly. “I’m afraid I’m a sore loser and a sore winner. But I’m trying this time. Which is one of the reasons I’m here. I realized that my friends are important to me. And I realized my friends, my circle of friends, doesn’t just include the three of us anymore.” 

“No. It doesn’t.” 

“When this happened…Pacey was always the guy who beat up the other guys for me. He was always stronger and more outgoing and…everything that I thought I wanted to be. He was the kind of guy you hoped would be a big brother to you, show you the ways of the world.” 

“That’s funny.” Andie reached over and took the salt shaker from Dawson’s hand. “Since I think he thinks of you as the wiser older brother he always wanted to be like.” 

“He was the kind of guy that all the girls should have fallen for, you know? And that was always my greatest fear. That the person I loved, whoever she was, would see Pacey and fall for him.” 

“And she finally did?” 

“Yeah. Right about the time I stopped ever worrying about it happening.” 

“That’s usually when it does.” 

Dawson reached out and took Andie’s hand, squeezing it lightly for support. “But back then, when I’d worry about it? I didn’t have anyone else I could turn to. I didn’t have any other friends really, other than Pacey and Joey.” 

“But now you do.” 

“But now I do. So I think I should start taking better care of them.” 

Andie grinned. “And how do you propose to do that?” 

“Well, I was thinking that, since Pacey and Joey are probably busy tonight, you might want to come over and watch a movie.” 

“This wouldn’t be a date, would it?” 

“A date?” Dawson flushed and stammered. “Er, no. Not a date. I mean, just a movie.” 

“Because dating you would be a bad idea, Dawson. I mean, you’re still hung up on Joey, you’ve got serious esteem issues, and you’re floundering around looking for direction. Seriously, a girl would have to be out of her mind to go out with you.” 

Dawson looked up at her last sentence and smiled, his eyes dancing with mischief. “Is that a yes?” 

“Do I get to pick the movie?” 

“Is it a sappy romance?” 

“I love sappy romances.” 

Dawson slid off his stool and walked around, letting his hand stroke her hair as he headed for the door. “Then I’m definitely your guy.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written 05-13-01


End file.
